4. Your Feet are Stuck to the Goddamned Bike
What if people are too wily to fall off their bikes just because you raised their seats? Well, the cycling community has just the thing to deal with them — toe clips. Clips that hold your feet to the pedals, whether you like it or not.
“What if the rider can’t get their foot off in time because it’s actually fastened to the pedal with something that looks like an S&M torture device?” one of the Real Bicyclist Club members no doubt proposed one day, to resounding applause. And so toe clips were born.
Most serious bicyclists wouldn’t dream of using toe clips, however, and have special clipless pedals that lock onto special cleats on special bike shoes.
It all costs special amounts of money too.
They’ll talk like toe clips and cleats are completely different things even though it’s quite obvious to a terrified clumsy person like me that they both attach your goddamn feet to the goddamn pedals.